Atonement by Ian McEwan
In London 1999, Briony confessed that creating this novel was a form of solace for her. In her mind, she carried not only the guilt she felt towards Cecilia, Robbie, and the sins that were beyond redemption regarding Lola, but also the scenes of love that might have existed if Cecilia and Robbie had come together in the end. She chose to give Cecilia and Robbie a favorable ending in her novel, even going so far as to have Paul Marshall, the true rapist of that day, marry Lola and become a 'philanthropist'. Perhaps writing a novel opposite to reality could alleviate Briony's distress and guilt.
At Briony's elderly birthday celebration, Pierrot, the mischievous child from their youth, had now become Briony's old friend. He was planning to let their grandchildren, the new generation, to perform the trials of Arabella that they couldn't perform in their youth. In the play, Arabella ultimately found happiness with her doctor lover. it's a happy end. However, the actors were no longer the children from their past. Lola had married her rapist, and Jackson had already passed away from illness fifteen years ago. Briony had ruined the lives of her own sister and beloved elder brother, and her mother, who used to praise her literary talent, had also passed away. Times had changed, people had changed.
In the end, Briony said that atonement itself is an impossible endeavor. It reminds me the proverb: "You cannot advise the past, and you can only pursue what lies ahead." Regretting past events won't bring them back, so perhaps the attempt to atone for the past is all that can be achieved. Therefore, by leaving that real but bleak ending in her novel, without the reunion of lovers, what meaning does it have? Briony allowed herself to complete her atonement within her own novel. Perhaps self-forgiveness is the first step AND the last step of atonement.
"There is no one, no entity or higher form that she can appeal to, or be reconciled with, or that can forgive her. There is nothing outside her. In her imagination, she has set the limits and the terms. No atonement for God, or novelists, even if they are atheists. It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. The attempt was all.
(...)
I like to think that it isn't weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness, a stand against oblivion and despair, to let my lovers live and to unite them at the end. I gave them happiness, but I was not so self-serving as to let them forgive me. Not quite, not yet. If I had the power to conjure them at my birthday celebration—Robbie and Cecilia, still alive, still in love, sitting side by side in the library, smiling at The Trials of Arabella? It's not impossible. But now I must sleep."
-- P250, Atonement: A Novel
"She knew what was required of her. Not simply a letter, but a new draft, an atonement, and she was ready to begin."
-- P239, Atonement: A Novel